![a raise a hallelujah lyrics a raise a hallelujah lyrics](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/e8/87/93/e88793f68850ac3794aebcd74eb5c9e3.png)
But GodĪfter processing the pain and letting my heart absorb the fact that I would not be pregnant this Christmas and that I was now 42 years old and continually surrendering to it all, I began to hear the voice of God again. Everything seemed so unfair and so wrong. How could I hold those babies and not break down? How could I celebrate their joy with all of my pain lingering? My thinking was off and I felt so distant from Jesus. We were now not pregnant for what seemed to be the thousandth time and my two very dear friends were having their November babies any day now. Not only was my cousin gone and it seemed so unreal. My heart broke in a million pieces and I felt the pain. Why was all of this happening to me? I sobbed. Then, in November, just days before my first baby’s due date, we found out we were in fact not pregnant. It was another blow for this year and I was wrapping my heart around my sweet cousin not being here anymore. It was so sudden and we were all shocked. My heart broke for her husband and her kids, my aunt, uncle, and her brother. She was only 43 and we had grown up together. It was all working out.ĭuring my two week wait my cousin passed away. I dreamed about the upcoming holidays and how they would be filled with expectancy for this new life. Our rainbow baby was coming and we would find out just days before my first baby’s due date. This news came to me in late October! Of course I was super excited and I just knew that I knew that this was God answering my prayer to get pregnant before my first due date. My new doctor checked me on my first visit and said we could do an IUI in three days. All I could focus on was, “I will get pregnant.” And, in the last stretch, I met my current doctor. It was a terrible feeling but I stayed on my mission. On a missionĮach month that passed I thought I was pregnant and each month I was not pregnant. However, I didn’t realize it was a lie yet and I was on a mission. I subconsciously thought that if I had a new baby by the time my first baby was due I could better handle the pain. Looking back I was trying to ease the pain in my heart. My baby’s due date was November 14th so I asked God to give me another baby before then. My doctor did say it was incredibly promising that we got pregnant naturally and that I should be encouraged by that fact alone. Why was this happening?Īfter the depression, I got in the mindset that I should try to get pregnant again as soon as possible. We were supposed to all have our babies together. “Are You really the good God I tell everyone You are? I’m so mad at You!” I was so mad.
![a raise a hallelujah lyrics a raise a hallelujah lyrics](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/sxdoxBQJjyM/maxresdefault.jpg)
I questioned God on everything I believed. Between the hormones coursing through my body and the actual heartache I was so incredibly sad. I tried to pick myself up after the initial shock but it was so hard. My husband loved her and my boys loved her.
![a raise a hallelujah lyrics a raise a hallelujah lyrics](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/2a/7b/73/2a7b735c7d22d3d77dd5fea5ba47eaca.jpg)
We went to the ten week appointment and there was no heartbeat. My husband told everyone he talked to that we were pregnant! I had so much joy it was contagious. We went to the first ultrasound appointment and everything looked great. Not to mention, we are in our forties and the odds for conceiving were against us just with our ages alone. We both had lost 80 pounds between us, which was super hard. I had laparoscopic surgery which ended with one of my fallopian tubes being removed. We had gone down such a long journey to get here. This baby was so perfect in our eyes and so loved in our hearts.
![a raise a hallelujah lyrics a raise a hallelujah lyrics](https://worshiphousemedia.s3.amazonaws.com/images/main/s/sgt/ora/sgt/raiseahallelujahlyricvideo.jpg)
I am a stepmom and we all wanted this new baby to add to our sweet family. You see, I got pregnant with my first baby in February of 2018. After reasoning with the Lord and saying, “this card doesn’t even say Merry Christmas,” He responded with, “This is the one because you are prophetically decreeing ‘Hallelujah’ to your circumstance.” So, I chose the Hallelujah design. I asked Jesus which card I should pick and when I scrolled past this particular design I heard the Lord whisper, “this is the one.” It said “Hallelujah” and that’s all it said. Back to the task at hand, which one would I pick? And, I could not decide because this year had been just so hard but also good in many ways. I, on the other hand, love sending out Christmas cards for so many reasons. He jokingly calls them a WOM (as in ‘waste of money’ – lol!) and he tries to eliminate them from the Christmas budget each year. I practically begged my husband for us to do Christmas cards. I could not pick a design and it wasn’t because I didn’t want to. As I sat down to pick out my Christmas cards online this year I was stuck.